the blog is being updated, really!

OK, so I've been a lazy bum AND I had a good excuse while I was in China (blog was censored, ergo no access), but now I'm slowly managing to update the missing tales of wonder and woe. Starting beginning of August, all the way through to start of October. I have a few... ok, 14... more additions to go, but Watch This Space!

Soon to come in addition to reminiscing about China and Tibet:
Feb - India
March - Argentina and Chile
April - Peru and Bolivia
May, June - some of US (including Alaska) and Canada!

Plenty more places in the world where I can get into trouble, amusing one and all :)

Kunming: Gripe first, pretty pictures later!

I'm in Kunming. Flight was excellent - I went by Sichuan Airlines this time. Amazing amount of legroom, AND a cute flight attendant (guy!). That's got to be the - 9th? handsome guy I've seen in the last 3+ months. Ouch. Sorry mum, I'm still single! Anyway, I'm trying to go on every domestic airline this country has to offer, and it's quite a bunch. So far I have knocked off China Eastern Airlines, China Southern Airlines, Xiamen Airlines, Sichuan Airlines...now there's Lucky Air to Dali, but I'm not sure if I want to jinx myself like that!

Onto the gripe at last - skip the entire post if you don't want to read another story of how-I-was-nearly-ripped-off-in-China. Then again, knowing how schadenfroh you all are...keep reading! Hey - I'm making progress, thanks in no small part to knowing basic Mandarin. At least now its more and more "nearly" stories, and no longer the "argh, ba$tards, thieving shites, dishonest, nasty, ..." Rrrrright, moving swiftly on to the story-du-jour!

I'm so sick of arriving in places and being deemed a target for being ripped off as soon as my feet hit the pavement outside the luggage claim. They try, they always try. This morning I had some guy following me out to the taxis, asking where I was going. Told him "I'm going in a taxi, and you?". He kept bugging me as people around me stared. Kept pointing at some stupid "cert" patch hanging around his neck. I wasn't sure what he was "cert" for, but since he didn't speak to everyone in the taxi line (just the dumb-easy-target-foreigner) I figured he was up to no good. Then I finally got to the head of the line after shoving another would-be queue-jumper out of the way. As I got into the cab, the cabdriver mumbles to him then tells me he doesn't know the address of my hostel. So I tell him - its ok, I have a map and I know it wil cost 20 RMB to get there. The annoying guy (let's call him MR. A$$hole) tells me the taxidriver doesn't know, but conveniently he does and he can take me for 80 RMB. So I tell him in Chinese "you drive me crazy, I pay only 20RMB". The first part of that sentence being the only condescending / halfway insulting thing I know other than "lazy pig", which, let's face it, wasn't any more suitable in this situation. I tell the taxi driver "do you know or not? I go with other taxi if you don't know". Wish I knew what 'don't waste my time' is, might figure that out today and learn to recite it by heart. So the taxi driver finally admits he does know and we get back in the cab as Mr. A$$hole is shouting "60RMB" at my uncaring back. I KNOW I should have gone to a different cab... In hindsight it's like watching that horror movie when the victim doesn't look behind the door as she enters the room even though you can see the shadow lurking...

He starts driving, then stops after 5 minutes and asks me where it is again. I get angry and ask him "do you know or not? Its near Zhuan Tang park" and I give him the little map with x-marks-the-spot. He continues, does another u-turn, continues.... looks about a bit, driving 20km/h. I call the hostel and tell them to talk to the cabdriver and to tell him to stop going in a circle and that I am not paying more than 20RMB. FINALLY he gives up trying to cheat me and I get here with the meter at 20.6 RMB. B@stards. Didn't get me! AND NOW the hostel tell me they don't have my room... right. Told them I'll wait until official check-out at 12:00 and then they'd better have my room because I have a printed confirmation and I will put in a complaint to both the site that booked it and LonelyPlanet. If they don't have my room, they can pay for a taxi to the next hostel plus give me back the deposit. She tells me I can use Internet until then... so here I am, sitting at a PC with a big sign over the top saying: "If you like our hostel, would send an email to <>. We need your help. thank you so much! email: talk2us@lonelyplanet.com.au". Oh, I'll send an e-mail all right. I don't even have to go through the bother of looking up the e-mail address! Let's see what happens at 12:00. Grrrr. :P

Every little thing here is a fight for justice and fair treatment. It's such a blessing when people are nice, honest and helpful...which is kind of what you'd expect if they want people to come back and give good word-of-mouth advertising to others along the way. I am ready to finish my travels here, leaving the squat-toilets and cockroaches behind for less polluted pastures! it's like a race against time - if I don't see the things I want to see now, I may never (willingly) come back. Sad, but true.

Aren't you all glad you're at home, have a normal clean toilet, a bed without bugs, a shower that isn't suspended over the toilet, food isn't always covered in a mystery sauce to hide the mystery meat, and the Tube/train/bus/taxi isn't going to try charging you 4 times the standard price?

Ah, but then I've also seen the Temple of Heaven and the Terracotta Warriors, climbed the Great Wall in two places, been in the world's highest hotel-lobby and floated down a river along scenery featured on a banknote, climbed around the world's largest Buddha AND seen REAL Giant Pandas!!! That's gotta be worth a bit of hassle, right? Right? Who's with me?!

Travel in China - you just have to smile!

So I’ve been looking online and trying to figure out where to go next, what to do, who to go with and what to see... there are so many choices...if you’re Chinese. Unfortunately, my Mandarin is not yet sufficient for me to be able to follow a guided tour in just Mandarin, nor have I surrendered my preference for:
- a toilet instead of a mucky hole in the floor
- a bed instead of a mat on a bench
- a shower that is private and not suspended over a toilet
- identifiable food ingredients instead of mystery meat with miscellaneous bones and gristle
- a sense of personal space instead of practically being SAT ON by the other people that would be on the tour.

I like my creature comforts, and personal space and basic hygiene are key components.

I really had to laugh when I came across the following description for the first day of an “English Guided Tour” to Tibet:

No tour guide service today but the Tibetan guide will pick up you at Lhasa airport, please do not have violent physical activity.

Just makes you wonder sometimes... what must have happened for this plea to be added to the itinerary? I’ve heard of altitude sickness, but this is a completely different kettle of fish!

Beijing without pictures :(

It had to happen sometime in the 8-9 months that I am travelling. I deleted a folder of pictures for which I don't have a back-up. Not just delete-save-them-from-the-recycle-bin... nope, hard delete, Shift+delete, bypass the recycle bin, do not pass Go, do not collect memorable snapshots from Tiananmen square and the Forbidden City, do not publish cool pics in your blog, remain photo-less and alone for the remainder of your life! Weeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh!



OK, actually, it's not that bad. Not just because we really should learn to live without so many material possessions (laptop, camera, ipod, so many things - so much to be stolen!), but also because in my infinite wisdom, I made great friends that thought my photos were cool and who wanted a DVD of all my pics. So I burned DVDs the day before I deleted the photos from my PC and a copy now exists in the mountains of the south of France. Hopefully a duplicate is being made as I type and I will receive my pictures in due course. In the meantime, my blog will have to be updated NAKED!

Last days in Shanghai

Another week has passed in a blur with cramming Mandarin and all sorts of Tourist madness. Time is flying by and it seems as though there's never enough time to see and do everything!


2 nights ago we went to see an Acrobat Show. Winfried, Sandra and I (the Summer Study Tour students) had front row tickets to see China's Best Acrobatic Show (aren't they all?). This one WAS amazing though - maybe not as good overall as China's Best Acrobatic Show in Guangzhou :) One act in particular was amazing - featuring a 10 meter high wire mesh globe, and 6 motorcyclists racing around inside! I found myself with my hands in front of my face peeking through my fingers - excellent! Guangzhou had hippos and monkeys though... that's hard to beat.



Yesterday we visited the Jingan Temple in the city centre of Shanghai. Its and old facade surrounded by super-modern malls and bling-bling skyscrapers. Blink and you'll miss it! After floundering a little in finding the actual entrance, we all paid our 10 RMB and entered into one of the oldest sights in Shanghai. Apparently the first temple was built here in 247 AD. Unfortunately, Renovation Fever has hit and its looking more like a pre-Disney attraction. Lots of scaffolding and shiny new "bits"... with a monk or two thrown in for good measure. Mathias tried to enter a room with lots of photos on the wall, but was refused. Turns out its a remembrance room for all the monks that have served the temple in the past. I can see why they would want to barr pesky tourists...

So we spent some quality time taking lots of pictures of each other... spot the Marisa in the photo on the left.

Last night Sandra and I met up with Charlotte - French Girl with Dutch Boyfriend who I met through Simon in Guangzhou - she is moving to Shanghai soon... after I leave :/ She's in Shanghai scouting for places to live, I don't envy her the task. Shangai is EXPENSIVE and Chinese construction is great, but the finishing touches (working taps, non-flooding bathroom, windows that open) usually leave a lot to be desired.

Around the corner from our apartment is the cutest little Italian restaurant ever... on a side street of Nanjing Lu, there's a renovated tram car which has been converted into a restaurant. Multo Cute! Best thing of all, they cook REAL italian food (or as close as possible with Chinese ingredients) and a Spaghetti Carbonara will set you back 21 RMB - that's a WHOPPING £1.5 or US $3. How will I ever survive London again???

Sugar High in Pudong!

After “slumming” it for *gasp* nearly 2 weeks in our smelly student apartment next to the Le Meridien hotel... Sandra and I decided it was time for a little infusion of class. So, we headed for the most luxurious hotel in Shanghai – the Grand Hyatt located in the tallest building in Shanghai – The Jinmao Tower.






OK, ok, ok, so I had an ulterior motive other than wanting to get away from the smelly student apartment! I went there because it’s the tallest hotel in the world as it is located on the top 20+ floors of the Jinmao Tower (one of the tallest buildings in the world and thus in my all-important “101 things to do before you die” list) . With the lobby on floor 68 and an observation deck somewhere on the 89th or 90th floor... I was game for some exploring.




Sandra and I headed to Pudong – the area of Shanghai that boasts humongous towers with ridiculous shapes – my personal favourite is of course the Pink Pearl Tower!!! After schlepping around in temperatures of 40C, we finally made it to the underground entrance for the observation deck. The views from the top were amazing – especially the view of the new tower being built “next door” to the Jinmao Tower. It is soon to be the tallest building for no doubt at least 10 seconds before another one somewhere else in the world tops it. Interestingly, it had gone up in flames 2 days before and tens of floors had been completely gutted by the fire. Now there’s a sobering thought as you’re 90-some floors high in the air watching the smoke damage “next door”.



Being a complete and utter tourist, I took the opportunity to buy stamps and post my postcards from the highest post office in the world - or rather the one located highest above ground level. Totally cheesy, but hey, when in Jinmao... So keep a watch out for "lofty" mail!!!

To end the day with a bang, we decided to go have cake and coffee in the Hyatt as a treat after seeing the inside atrium above the lobby from the observation deck (40-some floors of open space with a window at the top to look down on people haing coffee!!! - see left - Wicked). So we raced back down in the observation deck express elevator and then journeyed back up to the 68th floor lobby in the Hyatt hotel elevator where we were met with one uniformed person after another. No doubt they were casing us to see if we would be running off with the silver! Admittedly, we didn’t look nearly as “dressed down” as some other guests – in flip flops, ratty shorts, and carrying backpacks! I mean, really, at least Sling On the Bling, Dahling!

Anyway, we made it through all the security to find that the doormen, receptionist, bellboys, and waiters were all incredibly polite and friendly... not a condescending look to be seen! We came, we sat, we ordered 2 cappucinos, 2 pieces of miniscule cake, a bottle of water and an orange juice and paid 660 RMB... 44 quid! Service not included... naturellement!

YuYuan Gardens, take 2

After kicking up a fuss Marisa-Style at the school about their ignorant and completely unprofessional program, Sandra, Winfried and I were told we could go to YuYuan gardens in our own time, buy a ticket, give them the proof we actually went there and then they would refund us the money... all 30 RMB (2 pounds)... but its the PRINCIPLE that counts! :)

So off to YuYuan gardens we went – it was a magnificent little piece of tranquillity in the midst of the Shanghai madness. Leafy trees, old pagodas and big orange fish (koi?) in ponds...

Actually, pictures speak louder than works... so here goes!

Best 30 RMB + cab fare I've spent so far!

Of course not outing is complete without a little shopping, so we stopped in the many galleries and museum shops contained within the gardens and bought (in order of MADNESS)

Marisa: pendant made out of bit of an old Chinese ceramic vase, small signed Cherry blossom water-colour painting

Winfried: painted enamel spoons, small signed water-colour paintings

Sandra: 2 pairs of earrings, small signed water-colour painting, BIG ASS HUMONGOUS HANGING water-colour painting.

Jealous, moi? Perhaps... Sandra's 6ft fish were quite unequivocally DA BOMB. I'd show you a picture, but then I'd be jailed. Not a good idea in China... or anywhere really.

Qiandaohu - 10.000 islands lake (day 2)

I’ve led a sheltered life, yes I have. I’ve travelled a bit, seen a few things, stayed in some interesting places. But this morning I awoke bright and early to another first... the REAL Chinese Hotel Breakfast. I’m usually adaptable and quite game to do a “When in Rome...” wherever I end up.

But this morning, faced with grilled sweet potato, Bao, dumplings, Congee, Noodles, some kind of jelly-egg-thing, and a myriad of unappetising-at-8am I finally realised I was in China. I wondered how I’d managed to avoid the full-on China experience in the morning. I’d had my fair share in the evening (Guilin chicken being a prime example). Then I realised, I hadn’t been in a truly Chinese Hotel before now – where no one speaks a word of anything other than Chinese, the beds are just long enough that your head touches the wall and your toes teeter on the edge, the shower (though not suspended over the toilet) is just slightly uncomfortably too low.... and instead of a soap and a toothbrush in the bathroom – you get hygienic “lotion” for him and her...they’re excellent contraceptives and “cure the ill”. Apparently. Interesting. Despite it being an excellent opportunity for another FIRST, my thoughts are that perhaps I won’t be testing these...


Interestingly, we found that our “minibar” basket in the room included not only green tea and crackers but also Men’s underwear, more hygienic wipes, and miscellaneous other products I imagine would be found in rooms rented by the hour.... The picture to the right is of my roommate Sandra showing off her "The Price Is Right" product-display talents holding all the many goodies in our room!

Moving swiftly on, it was back on the bus for a leisurely ride through the countryside towards our next destination – River Rafting!

We arrived to find a big gravelled parking lot, wooden hut, lots of inflatable dinghies, a mini-lake, and a dam.... from which came what appeared to be a trickle of water that was supposed to be our “river”. I’ve seen more voluminous flows coming from hostel-showers and was understandably sceptical about its ability to transport an empty dinghy, let alone one with several passengers. But then two locals started tearing down the dam - literally. And the water started gushing down over the rocky riverbed, turning into a small churning river. Wehey, there was hope after all!

All the girls ran to get in one last potty-break before the raft... until they saw the toilet. 50% turned back, hardened-China-Traveller-that-I-am, I was in the other half and persevered. The word toilet is doing toilets everywhere a major disservice. A bamboo shack (picture stalks of bent bamboo, not too tightly bound together, creating a charming "now you see my butt, now you don’t" effect, with an even more "uncensored" view inside through the dividing wall between the Gents (hole in the ground) and the Ladies (smelly hole in the ground with non-working flush and a giant turd rotting in the sun... loverly). It was at this precise moment in time that I truly appreciated the wonder that is my pair of platform flip-flops... 5cm between me and the putrid mucky ground is better than nothing.

So we all got suited up (a life-vest), prepared our equipment (put my camera in a sandwich baggie in my pocket), slapped on some more sunscreen and a hat, and prepared to board our rafts. Small river = small boat. But when we were told to pair up - one guy and one girl in each boat - I finally realised it was a 2-person raft. The "raft" looked like a kiddie-dinghy as used in a pool by 5 year olds... but we gamely boarded our vessels for a practice paddle around the slowly diminishing mini-lake. I lucked out and got Hector as my rafting buddy. Strong-ish, funny, man with ZERO rafting experience, we were definitely in for a laugh.

Because the dinghies were so small, we had to sit facing each other, which meant that one of us was always blind to what was coming, not to mention had to try to paddle backward down a rapid! So we had a bit of a discussion over who would be facing backwards when we went over the dam and hit the first rapid going down the river... given my superior rafting experience (and willingness not to see what was coming) I agreed to be the blind one.

Apart from our group, all the people there were Chinese tourists. About 40 boats or so paddling around the lake. Some even had umbrellas - to protect from the sun, but also came in handy protecting from the water as it turned out... I'm not quite sure who started splashing first, but it wasn't me. I. did. not. start. the. water. fight. really, truly, I am innocent. :)


As far as I could tell, the Chinese tourists were attacking each other, one of them missed, got Hector and me instead, and messed up Big Time. Everyone went silent - as if they were expecting us to cause a big fuss and get upset over a little water. Well, they soon found out that I don't get upset. No sirrreeee, I get EVEN. *evil grin* While Hector was trying to mediate and calm the situation, I went into a splashing frenzy with my paddle. Having had plenty of water-baby experience in New Zealand and Australia (sledging, river kayaking, ocean kayaking, rafting...) I had great aim and great volume.

From then it was war and for the next 3 hours we all raced each other down the river while making sure no one came out dry. Luckily my camera managed to survive against all odds because I hid it away after the first volley was launched. Even Hector got into the swing of things and gamely entered the fray. We all got absolutely SOAKED, but it was awesome fun to laugh and go to war without being able to communicate at all in each other's language. I guess splashing is universal :)

Following a quick but rather public change, we all boarded the bus to head for lunch... on a pontoon. Sandra took some pictures of the kitchen, luckily none of us saw these before tucking in. Thank G*d for small favours and iron stomachs :)

Qiandaohu Karaoke - Going Local!

Maybe it should be Going Loco rather than Going Local - this was quite possibly the funniest night in China so far... well, apart from racing around the Xi'an Sofitel in my bathrobe at 1am... natch.

Take a group of tourist/students, plonk them into a very basic hotel in the middle of nowhere China, suggest they "stay in and sing Karaoke in the hotel bar" and watch them make a run for it! Not happy with going to bed at 8pm following another wonderfully authentic Chinese dinner, we elected to drag our chaperones out with us to explore downtown Qiandaohu. From street opera to all-night-dried-fish-shops... Qiandaohu has it all! Including the best thing since sliced bread - a big square where the entire city's population seemed to convene for a Chinese version of line dancing. Physical exercise and flirting in one - the ladies dance in the middle and the gentleman watch them avidly. Even at 10pm at night, kids were still playing and hundreds of women were out dancing the routines.

Being a total coward in public situations, I chickened out and followed the moves from the sideline while Sandra, Alessandra and Ham Fong actually joined in with varying degrees of success. Funnily enough - none of us spoke enough Chinese to understand the directions being called out or to ask what was going on, but dance transcends even language barriers and one of the leading matriarch types came over to dance alongside Sandra and exclaim in Chinese how good she was at picking it up? Or so I assume from the smile... she didn't spell out the Pin Yin :) Sorry Pak - absolute BLINDING opportunity for a first and I just let it slip right through my fingers...

Of course there were pictures, but since I was taking part (admittedly on the sidelines) I didn't take any myself and the owners of said cameras absconded with the evidence...maybe its all for the best. :)

Following the 11pm mini-workout we finally made it to Karaoke. Some of the more "advanced" students attempted to sing in Chinese with admirable effects... being a HUGE fan of S.H.E. (Taiwanese 3-girl popgroup) I knew the lyrics (chorus) to "I.O.I.O." and did a duet with Wendy-school-coordinator-extraordinaire on "Superstar"... with Wendy doing the Chinese vocals aided with my chorus of "you are my superstarrrrrrrr". Funny for me, but torture for the rest! Though they were all considerably sloshed so probably didn't notice additional atonal screeching from yours truly...

Luckily our departure time the next morning was only at 8am... so we were assured of at least 5 hours sleep before rafting the next day. Oops. :/

Qiandaohu - 10.000 islands lake

Woo-hoo Road Trip! Ehm, Boat-Trip. Whatever.

After studying like MAD for a whole WEEK (seriously, I’m about to Pin Yin someone) we’re off on a school-organised trip. That means the lucky three Summer Tour students get to go on the trip for free, but everyone else had to pay a WHOPPING 850 RMB all inclusive – that’s 56 pounds for a 4 hour bus journey each way, guide (aherm), night in a hotel (AHERM), river cruise (it’s getting old), river rafting (really), and fun with fellow students (now THAT was a highlight). Karaoke and water / drinks / dignity sold separately.

After a bright and early start in Shanghai, we clambered aboard our super-deluxe touring coach and settled in for a 4 hour journey to QianDaoHu (literally 10-thousand Island Lake). We had two chaperones from the school – Wendy: coordinator extraordinaire and quite possibly the kindest, most cheerful and most helpful Chinese person I have met so far in my 6 weeks in the country, And Never-Introduced-Herself-but-we-found-out-her-name-is-Echo: she of the Nanjing Lu “Tour”. Oh and our “Guide” for the weekend. Now, you’d think with a bunch of beginners on board they’d stump for an English-speaking guide as per advertising. Noooot. OK, I lie – he knew at least 3 words of English and was convinced he was the next Usher. Unfortunately his attempts to loudly and atonally convince us of this fact at 8:30am in the morning on a tour bus (=moving prison) failed abominably. Perhaps it was his Michael-Jackson-esque dance moves that just put me over the edge. Or maybe I'm just jealous of his X-factor :)

*****

On a side note – why is it that I always attract the freaks? Mr I’m-The-Next-Usher-If-Only-I-Could-Pronounce-Any-of-The-Words-Oh-Wait-YEAH-Is-Only-One-Word... decided that because I was listening to my iPod and was playing R&B on it, this made us soul-mates.He kept insisting he listen to what I was listening to and giving me his (ICK!) headphones for his mobile phone to listen to his faves. I cunningly thwarted his attempts to sit next to me by ceremoniously dumping my bag on the seat next to me, sitting by the window, putting my headphones on and looking out the window as if I’d never seen a car, road, or blade of grass. It worked marvellously. The nasty side-effect was that Sandra (sitting across the aisle and not having defended her aisle seat) was the next victim. I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun observing body language and furious/exasperated glares! Sorry, but in this war its every Woman for herself - Survival of the Rudest and all that. :P

*****

But I digress... so moving swiftly on!

We arrived in Qiandaohu ready to board the boat, which would take us to another boat, where we would have lunch and then go explore some of the islands. After a quick stop at the "Pubuc Toilet" before we embarked on our voyage... spelling checker anyone???... we boarded the boats like acrobats accross the 30cm wide and 5 metre long gangplank at an angle of 45+ degrees. This was when I realised that platform flip-flop sandals might not have been the choicest footwear for the expedition!

The lunch was interesting as usual - lots of unidentifiable ingredients and slithery dishes! Like true locals, no one even attempted to identify the meat or origins of the dishes. With everyone taking turns at being the guinea pig we soon came to a consensus along the lines of "this one isn't too bad" and "that tastes like seaweed marinated in the toilet". Shared pain is halved pain :)

Our first stop was Snake Island, which is leterally an island where they've dumped a lot of snakes into pits for tourists to look at. You can even hold a large one around your neck for a price. Like most chinese tourist attractions, it all seemed a bit surreal and very fake. Mass tourism - ship hundreds of people around a few island on the lake, give them 20 minutes to traverse the "walk" around the island and snap a picture and then move on to the next island (Dragon Island - no one was sure why it was called that, no pits with Dragons to be found).

...Admittedly I may be a bit down-in-the-dumps because I am suffering from a truly vicious maladay - the flu. My ears are clogged, my nose is running, my throat is killing me and no amount of snake-pit-fun or mystery meat will cheer me up. But I can still pose for photos :) Priorities there must be!

YuYuan Gardens - Take 1

So I opted for the super-deluxe version of the studying Mandarin with Mandarin house... and part of being a Summer Study Tour student at Mandarin House means you get afternoon tours of Shanghai landmarks included in the price for the course. Each afternoon the school organises some sort of activity, from a Nanjing Lu tour to a KungFu lesson! One of the nicest places to visit in Shanghai is YuYuan Gardens – an oasis of calm and greenery in and otherwise hectic and severely polluted city. The tour was very popular among students with over 12 signing up for the jaunt.

We all got into cabs and agreed to meet the “tour guide” from the school (you guessed it, another teacher) at the entrance of the tourist street at 4pm. We all made it there with no mishaps, spoke to a Chinese policeman (its illegal to take their picture, apparently...) to make sure we had the right place, and then proceeded to be ogled and photographed by Chinese tourists as we perused the stalls and shops in the touristy area.

With our local guide leading the way, we happily roamed about and finally made it to the garden entrance at 5:02pm...

Only to find closed doors and a sign that said that there was no admittance after 5pm.

You’d THINK they would check that. Maybe read a lonely planet. Ask previous guides who’d been there. I don’t know...ASK someone who’s actually been there and knows? Maybe do a little research before taking 12+ students on a fruitless “tour” to see a set of closed doors. Admittedly, the doors were ornate and the sign was quite pretty, BUT SERIOUSLY. If the “guide” hadn’t looked so shell-shocked, I would have thought it was a joke and laughed. As it was, I merely geared up for an almighty row the next day at school to demand money back so we could visit the place again... when it was open.
See? Proof that stupidity is definitely not regional – it is multi-cultural, multi-ethnic, multi-ignorami. *sigh*

Wo zai Shanghai xuexi Hanyu!

This week I’ve been studying Mandarin in Shanghai! I moved into a shared apartment with 6 others – Dutch, Belgian, German, Italian, French, America/French and moi! I lucked out because my room is easily twice the size of any of the others. The apartment is on the 20th floor of a building one block away from Nanjing Lu (main shopping street – much like Oxford Street, but only for pedestrians) and right next to the Meridien Hotel. Swank-y !



I’m on the Summer Study Tour which is supposed to be 2 weeks study in Shanghai, 2 weeks in Beijing, plus all sorts of extra activities and guided tours around both cities. When I booked, I was told “you have to hurry, there’s only one space left”... I didn’t believe it at the time, and it turns out there are only 2 others on the same program. Winfried – Dutch, ALMOST 21, wants to move to Shanghai and has been studying Chinese at college, and Sandra – American/French, mum of three, age withheld because no one will believe me when they see her pictures anyway...she looks about 35! There are lots of other students, but they’re only doing the classes, so it’s just the three of us who bought into the whole “we’ll take care of everything” routine!



Since I didn’t follow many of my lessons in England (I think 5 out of the 11 held while I was still in the country!) and of that, not much stuck around to be useful now... I enrolled in the “total beginners” class. The first 4 days were ONLY pronunciation... ad nauseam. Repetitive to the extreme, and sleep-inducing by nature, it is only because of the sheer will-power of our amazing teacher (Ren Fu Li) that I came out halfway sane at the other end. I may not yet know any useful phrases... but put some PinYin in front of me and I can read it like a pro. Unfortunately, PinYin isn’t really used anywhere... hmmmm...



Part of this whole Summer Study tour is that we have a lot of activities thrown in “for free”. Riiiight. I know, I know, I’m usually more sceptical and my instincts were clanging loud and clear, but I ignored them. The “free activities” include such exciting things as having a teacher walk with us down Nanjing Lu (yep – you read it before, Oxford street located just outside our apartment building). We went into a Chinese pharmacy to contemplate the purchase of all manner of beatles, dried bits of animal (don't look too closely), and even silk worms in coccoon... they're excellent for curing something - unfortunately explanations weren't included in the tour! At the end of Nanjing we finally came to the Bund. And opposite the Bund? The Pearl tower - standing proud and pink in all its glory... bless. :)



We also had a King Fu lesson – admittedly the teacher was good, even though it was a teeny-looking female language teacher who was essentially showing us her hobby... unfortunately the location left a little to be desired. Picture 4 tourists, one teacher, a classroom about 3 x 3 metres big, August in Shanghai (41C) and no aircon. Combine this with lots of running, kicking, punching... the sweat stains notwithstanding the sheer WHIFF of the classroom at the end attested to our 2 hours of hard work!



Last activity for the first week was a Chinese calligraphy lesson. Following 1.5 hours of painstaking painting of dots and slight horixontal lines with a pointy edge on the right... mind the start on the left is a boxy shape and the line is even throughout.... Nope, I didn’t get it either. Every line looked the same, loads of dots on lots of paper, gigantic mess of black in and she finally gave up and let us loose on big sheets of rice paper. I managed to learn to write my “Chinese” name – Ma Rui Sha. Depending on who translates it anywhere from horse, mum, divine, snow, pure, intelligent, mountain...or just sounds like Marisa. I prefer to think of it as a pure female divine being :P I think that’s what’s called Artistic Interpretation!

Suicidal AND Social in Shanghai

Today was an eye-opener. I finally figured out where my school is located thanks to the help of a kindly concierge, a knowledgeable taxi driver, and a new map. I am now the proud owner of 4 maps of Shanghai...and NONE of them are the same. They say Shanghai changes too fast for the maps to keep up – something that was there a month ago, might not be in the same place today. Also, it helps to have an English version map, as opposed to a Chinese one!


Feeling über-confident after my foray into deepest, darkest Shanghai... I decided to walk the few blocks to the subway for my first ride on this reputed symbol of efficiency. Hah! I was armed with 3 of 4 maps, but construction, confusing signage and just the usual snarl of traffic everywhere served to confuse my otherwise excellent sense of direction. I was expiring in 39C heat, lost and disoriented, getting rapidly fed up with the futility of waiting at the zebra-crossing as cars were ignoring red traffic lights and green pedestrian signals to clog the crossing with bumper-to-bumper traffic with the occasional squealing brakes (pedestrians rank somewhere below pond scum in China)... when suddenly I had an epiphany... a flashback to Amsterdam. I threw myself in front of the cars. Rage is a powerful motivator! Looking the opposite way to the oncoming traffic - I figured, if they can see I’m not looking and my blond hair is in their face, maybe they’ll think twice before they flatten me – I actually crossed the road. I had an moment of Dutch Courage...and a Chinese following as people practically stuck to me and followed in my wake. Marisa 1: Shanghai traffic 9.896.341, but it’s a start to claiming back my right of way! I am foreigner, hear me roar!

In the evening I met up with Wara – whom I met at the Lindsays in Shenzhen – and went to dinner with some of her MBA classmates. I have to admit, I was intrigued when the e-mail arrived with the address and the following instructions:

You need a code to get inside. Tomorrow night the code will be 27. When you arrive at 805 Julu Road, you walk up the stairs. You will see 9 orange holes in the wall. To open the door place one hand in the 2nd hole and the other hand in the 7th hole (27). There is no sign or anything of the restaurant.

True to the description – it WAS hard to find. I did feel excruciatingly stupid sticking my hands in holes number 2 and 7, but it was worth it when we entered. A very sleek and stylish establishment, with prerequisite dim lighting, and great food. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’d be able to find it again...so this will just have to remain a first AND a last!

The next party location was Glamour Bar, which was enticingly sold to me as “an expat bar where people go to see and be seen and the drinks are really expensive”. Naturally, sophisticated schmoozer that I am (ahem), I couldn’t WAIT to go. So there we were, 18 people standing on the side of a smallish road in semi-darkness fending off the extremely persistent and touchy-feely beggars that were lying in wait outside the restaurant entrance (they didn’t believe my newly memorised sentence: I have no money)... with no hope in hell of flagging down the required 5-6 taxis. This is where the company chauffeur and minivan come in. As a side-line in the evenings, apparently company chauffeurs trawl the streets looking for tourists to ferry about in the company car at a special price. I got lobbed into a miniVAN with 9 others, the driver, and his son. There’s nothing quite like trying to fit 12 bodies into a van made for 7 to get everyone acquainted quickly.

Glamour bar was indeed very glamorous...although I’m told that some of the more “glamorous” girls were there mainly on business... Do I need to draw a picture? With a view of the pearl tower, a density of 10 expats to 1 square metre, and cocktails at *gasp* 3.75 pounds (roughly the price of a diet coke in London), it was definitely a must-see/ must-do in Shanghai!