Drive Defensively... Buy A Tank!

So... I either have unresolved issues centering on some sort of repressed rage, which makes itself known through an uncommon fondness for large lethal mnotorised weaponry...

..or I just really like driving tanks!

Possibly a bit of both. Disturbing though it may be. :P Maybe I missed my calling? Maybe I should have been in the army, churning up mud and remote landscapes (and small trees) with armored vehicles? Maybe I should change my name to "Rambette"?!

Today will go into the Annals of Marisa History, as today I drove 3 tanks. Not just a few metres, I drove them through rugged terrain on an assault course, with dips and bends and dust and mud... most of which found its way into my mouth by the last lap!

Meet "Sarah", the 10 tonne Saracen.
She can transport up to 8 people in the back, all of whom would be totally dependent on the driver's capabilities if they want to have a hope in hell of not being brained in their seats as the monster races over mounds and hills. It doesn't have very forgiving suspension...
It comes complete with power steering and a "pre-emptive" type of gearbox, which means you change the gear, but keep driving in the existing one until you choose to "engage" the change. All sounded quite confusing, but I found it very easy to drive actually! The power steering really isn't much help when careening around u-bends in a 10 tonne monster, but I'm sure its better than it would have been without. It literally drove over everything and I'm thinking it would be an ideal mode of transport to use in the urban warzone they call London. Might be a bit difficult to parallel park though...

Next was "R2D2", otherwise known as the FV432.

The F stands for something I can't remember, V is for vehicle and 432 is much as they would name a BMW 318 :) It doesn't have power steering, after all, it only weighs 16 tonnes and has a top speed of 50km/h. I pretty much hit that speed going around the tracks and over bumps! Last and most prominently used in the conflict in Northern Ireland by the British Army, it is steered by using two levers on either side of your body as you sit hunched forward in the very front right of the tank. Pull the left one and it stops the left track from spinning at the same speed as the right, thus making a left turn. Pull the left one REALLY HARD and you effectively stop the track and cause the 16 tonne metal 'vehicle' to spin 90 degrees to the left on its axis. Cewl... very cewl! Luckily it was an automatic, so one less thing to concentrate on! I had some fun with this one - it has a metal track with rubber pads (so it can traverse roads without totally mangling the asphalt) and is partially (?) armoured. It can also transport up to 8 people in the back, but is used mostly for reconnaisance rather than complete obliteration of everything in its path... that's what the next one is for!

Last, but by no means least, was "MAXIMUS", the 52 tonne actual battle tank used in Bosnia (amongst others).



Completely armored, with a turret/gun mounted on the top, it carries only 3 people - the driver, the commander and the guy/girl shoving shells into the gun! It had two tiny levers to try and turn the tank, though they did not actually slow the track as much as speed up the opposite track a little.... it has a totally crap turning circle, but apparently speed is your friend when trying to get it to change its course. So off I went! Some of the bends I had to pull with all my might with two hands on one lever to try and make it round. :) Obviously I need more Rambette training! It is also the only tank that has a clutch and could thus stall in mid maneuver - its actually know for its finicky gear changes and tendency to stall. Begs the question why you would make the one tank that is likely to encounter enemy gunfire the most likely to splutter and die in the midst of its charge?!?!?!

Anyway, I managed not to stall it, and in fact had a really good run in it. Didn't knock over any trees I wasn't supposed to and made it round the track in good speed.


And before anyone thinks I'm actually sad enough to have nicknamed the tanks myself, it wasn't me! Honest. The people who run the place nickname all their tanks and Hagglund / Jeep vehicles...

According to the instructor I was a natural on all three! Though I imagine they say that to anyone who just paid a small country's national debt for a 2 hour drive. :) He did appear to be suitably impressed - probably more so because I arrived being a) a girl, b) with long blonde hair c) wearing... pink?! He actually told me I could come back and get a job as an instructor! Har har har... that's if my future career in flying Red Bull Actionflites doesn't pan out...OBVIOUSLY!